I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
