giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
