1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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