hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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