I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
It's not a walk of shame if you run