My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
