Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

of course. lets lasso hookers.

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(217): View more from Illinois

The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.

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(904): View more from Florida

naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?

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(480): View more from Arizona

Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.

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(316): View more from Kansas

I was tackling you out of excitement

(918): View more from Oklahoma

Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.

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(509): View more from Washington

Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers

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(609): View more from New Jersey

how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?

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