I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
