i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.