Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck