Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.