rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
