The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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