Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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