What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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