Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize