I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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