my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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