Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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