we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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