You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
wakey wakey hands off snakey
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
