So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
