So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
