My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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