I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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