I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize