im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
