I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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