he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
