C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
All I want is dick and wine.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
