Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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