Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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