You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
