remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
