I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
