I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
