New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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