id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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