You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
