Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
