rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
