i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize