Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
