My cat gives me a boner
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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