it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
