I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
