Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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