Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
