BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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