hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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