That's intense
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
