I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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