girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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