Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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