Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The air was thick with penises
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
