I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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