I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
