You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
