I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
