It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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