I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
