In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
