Your face is a jimmy john
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
