so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
