How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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