It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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