I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
