i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
