I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Randomize
