puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
