She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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