You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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