you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
