oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
this just has baby written all over it
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WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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