i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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