There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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