This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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