He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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