You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
