Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
