we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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