try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
